Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm being pulled over???
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just wanna be euthanized
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.