The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
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His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
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Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best