So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.