I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
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is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
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All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside