Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize