wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
