idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
