Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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