Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
