Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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