I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
