Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
