It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
