I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.