Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
