ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
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We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
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Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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