she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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