You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
