She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
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I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
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at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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