I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
