yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
