Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
