Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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