Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
