I cockslap morals
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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