Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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