Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
