My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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