I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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