Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Why is there bacon in the couch?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
