he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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