you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
