Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
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And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
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But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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