was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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