margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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