Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
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We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
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I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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