You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
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think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
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you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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