if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
