the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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