...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
