You smell like stripper and shame
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize