If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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