I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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