I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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