I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
