I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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