So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
