I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
