I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
