Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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