So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
