so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
