and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Panties = found
Randomize
