Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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