All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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