Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
