Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
home. puking in laundry basket.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
