sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
