last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize