Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.