hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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