If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
