Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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