dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
