my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just invented taco cereal.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
