with your own penis?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
