Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Pants are for mortals
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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